the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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