I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize