i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
