apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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