operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
