Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
