She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
