which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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