Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just gargled with NyQuil
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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