Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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