All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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