Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
