my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
