omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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