Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
