I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
