you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
