look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize