I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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