Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
