That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
