my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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