i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
