An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This is my gift to your gina
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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