I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
