Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
