This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
