i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
