Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
