i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
