I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
