What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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