it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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