i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
