I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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