Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
