Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
