The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
