I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
