your room smells of hookers.
And success
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
