go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
