My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize