I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
