he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
