I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
