this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
