i need an iv and a liver transplant
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
