i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
