Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
where am i from again
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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