Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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