I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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