White coat. Heels.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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