chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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