Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just gift wrapped bread.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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