You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
