my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize