I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
