suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
