I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
