Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
