can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
