what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
