Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize