A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Are we in a gay sports bar?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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