I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
