Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
